OUCH

So the real deal is...I'm SUPER busy these days. I'm in school 4 days a week, training 6 days a week and sleeping during any extra hours that I have. That does not leave much blogging time...so they might be far between. I'll try to recap the last few days...

Yesterday I did an open water swim out at Saguaro Lake with Dave, Brig and Jason. Stupid me decided to wear just a sports bra and top instead of my swim suit. AND, I didn't wear bodyglide. Not just my arms are burned but my sides under my sports bra too. It's so painful! I won't make that mistake again...bodyglide is my friend! Anyway....we swam for an hour and I felt really good. Maybe it was because I was familiar with my surroundings, but it felt much better then when I swam my 1/2 a few weeks ago. The part I didn't care for was the lake weed touching my legs. That did put me into somewhat of a panic in a couple areas. I can't stand that! And when he made us tread water I had a pretty challenging time...I don't know why I have these panic attacks.

I'm officially part of the racelab Saturday bike ride group. These are some serious contenders too! There are about 20 or so riders on any given Saturday, most of which I believe are already IM so I do have to push to keep up, which is great because Dave is pushing my speed. (Oh, don't let me forget to tell you about our brick workout Tuesday) Last Saturday we rode from Chandler to Coolidge and back, which was my longest ride of about 70 miles. Well, it was not intended to be my longest but I followed the leaders out and ended up doing an extra small loop - oops.... Next time I'll stay with the pack and let the leaders go without me :) The best part of the whole ride was jumping into the pool when we were done. PERFECT!!! Total time was just under 5 hours. Not bad, but Dave wants better. The previous Saturday we rode the Tour de Scottsdale route which took us through Fountain Hills. Yeah HILLS is right!

Speaking of Dave...we did a brick workout (bike/run) the other day and although I think he was not super excited about my run performance (he is really pushing me out of my comfort zone these days) I was happy. Let me tell you why...I remember when it would take me an hour just to ride 10 miles. For my brick I biked 12 miles and ran 2 miles in an hour 5 minutes. My transition was pretty pathetic, but he's not too worried about those during IM. So my speed is improving, but I still have far to go.

Today is my day off and let me tell you - Thursdays are my most favorite days! Tomorrow is our last Friday gym workout. Dave is changing my schedule so not sure what we will be doing. I'm a little sad about it because my gym workouts are my most favorite. We'll still do them on Monday...just not Fri too.

I'm leaving for Tahoe tomorrow. I'm going to hike some trails, bike some single track and gamble until I'm broke! HURRAY FOR ME! Have a great week....

It's been a long time...

It's been so long since my last post that I'm not even sure where to start or what to say. It's like seeing a long lost friend almost.

Well, these past couple of months have been a challenge, to say the least. I did my first 1/2 Ironman and had a blast. I did so much better than I expected and while I was there (in Northern CA) I remembered why I signed up for all this....then I came home to AZ weather and suddenly it all changed.

I've had some real struggles with getting my workouts done in this heat. I fear I'm at a breaking point. When it's 104 at 9AM everyday it takes the fun out of everything I do and I dread my workouts daily. I told Dave today that I feel so far behind....I can't do anything quickly in this weather and the fact that it's getting me so down is starting to weigh on me. It's not fun and I just don't care to do it anymore. Unfortunately for me, quitting is not at option, but each day that passes I get more and more bitter. I just need some cooler weather so that I can enjoy being outside again.

I'm starting to do my long weekend rides with racelab and I'm happy about that. Last week we did part of the Tour de Scottsdale route and man...it was not my best day. I started pretty nervous about riding with people I didn't know and I wasn't sure where I was going either so I didn't eat much and ran out of water. I managed 4 hours. I'm not in the IM to break any time records but I do want to make the cutoff times so I'm worried about my speed. My hope is that I do fine. I did the 1/2 bike in 4 hours and it was all hills...

Sunday I have a 10 mile run on my schedule. I'll be up at 4am trying to beat the heat and home before the sun is up. Man I am really hoping for just a section of cool weather along the canal. Knowing that I can actually run 10 miles is a little surreal to me. Sometimes I just can't believe what I pull off. I do breakdown long workouts. I plan 5 miles out and don't count the second 5 home so it doesn't seem so bad. I think that's how I'll get through IM too...it's just 3 bike loops and 3 run loops. Easy - right?

I staring at this screen desperate to remember why I signed up for Ironman. I'm trying to remember how I felt on the Mill Ave. bridge waiting for Dave and Windy to speed by on their bikes when they did IM. Why am I doing this, really? I need that motivation and that desire back in order to finish this. Why? Why am I doing this? I don't remember and that scares me. I need a nap. And that's another thing! Am I the only IM in training that is always tired? After a workout I shove food into my mouth and sleep for 3 hours...

Moving forward

I'm feeling pretty good today. I found a really great place that I can afford, so that's put my mind at ease and relieved some major stress. I quickly learned that first, I don't have time to fall apart here...I gave myself about 30 minutes yesterday to cry and just let everything go, but now it's total survival mode. I refuse to stop living because one part of my life has come to a halt. I'm fortunate to have so many people reaching out to help me with whatever I need...from home cooked meals, moving boxes, nights out on the town, tons of people who just want to talk and even a movie, it's support everywhere I turn and it helps so very much! It's a process and one that I can handle with so many good friends.

Second, I better get organized, and fast. I didn't realize just how dysfunctional I was until I started looking around at my junk. Holy WOW I have a lot of papers. My apartment is only 400 sq ft so I'm cleaning out my clutter and starting over fresh. Moving day is in 6 days so I've got to start shredding this crap now.

Yes, IM training continues. I had goals for June but as of today I'm not sure where I'm at with them. I lost track about a week ago and have not taken the time to sit and recalculate. I'm sure I was close, but probably missed the mark on both the run and bike..I've been a little distracted here. I am on the hunt for a PT job...I applied for a couple places yesterday so I hope to find a way to make it all work. I can't imagine giving up IM, but I also can't imaging being homeless so a job will always come first.

My posts might be slow coming as I find myself focused on other things at the moment but I'll try and keep it updated at least weekly. A million thanks to friends! You make this process so much easier! As my relationship comes to an end just know that we are not fighting or making it nasty...we both want to remain friends with each other, and all of you.

This is how I'm feeling....Rick and I broke up, which means I can't really work PT anymore so I have to either give up IM training (which ultimately means give up IM) or give up school to go back to work and I'm not sure which one I should let go.

The hardest

Today's workout was by far the hardest I've had yet. I'm not sure if it was the heat, along with the uphill ride, or the combination of my tired legs, the heat and uphill climb. It flat out sucked!

The plan was to ride up Pima out to Bartlett Lake, meet Dave there and swim. Almost immediately I could feel my quads say, no, no, no...so the ride just up Pima was the slowest I think I've ever done...it took me over a hour just to get 10 miles...ugh. I seriously thought several times about giving up. I was just getting baked in the sun, sweat was pouring down into my eyes and all I could think about was the hill that started at Pima and Cave Creek...why did I sign up for all this? OMG

I can't believe it only took me 3.5 hours to get there...it was the longest most difficult time of my entire training - multiplied by 10. HARD! I do not want to visit that workout again for a long time. Part of the ride up towards the lake my quads felt like somebody punched them so I walked about 6 miles and considered more but I needed to just get it done and cool off. I was surprised at how many cars passed me but nobody stopped to see if I was okay....clearly anyone walking that long road with a bike in hand is not okay...I would have accepted a ride at that point.

Well look who comes pulling up - DAVE! At this point I had less than 5 miles to go with a huge decent coming so as he asked if I wanted a ride to the finish I said no...what the hell was I thinking? There is no shame in getting a ride but something inside didn't want to disappoint him, and I was so close to being done. I finally made it and that water was a perfect ending..it was very cool and over too quick...I wanted to sit in the cool spots for awhile, but also wanted to get the hell out of there. Not sure how far we swam, but it was nice to be off my bike.

I'm toast. These past 3 days have really challenged me and I can't keep this pace. No matter how early we start, the heat is going to get worse. I have to think that if I can endure these next 4 months, I can get through the Ironman. Right??

Let's wrap this up

Training has continued and this week has not been any easier then weeks past. In fact, this week has really kicked my butt so far. I'm working harder then I've ever worked before. It started with a 16 mile run on Monday...with a gym workout in the middle. Today Dave and I biked 1 Ironman loop, which was a little more brutal then I had expected. It's a really LONG route out there with nothing but dry, hot freeway. Right now I can't imagine doing it 3 times. Tomorrow I'm biking to Bartlett again (3rd time) followed by a swim, which I'll certainly enjoy after a hot ride. I'm looking forward to a day off sometime this week.

Getting prepared for the Bartlett ride is kinda fun. I get to buy chips and candy and NOT feel bad about it. It's only 44 miles, but it's a brutal uphill ride the entire way pretty much so I'll need all the calories I can get - especially with a swim planned right after the ride. One thing I've learned about myself is that my body needs lots of food and drink in order to perform. I fall apart when I go too long without food.

Dave and I talked today about my training and I really only have 4 months left because the last month is pretty easy training..it's coming up fast!! He's confident I'll be ready, but I'm not a consistent rider....he told me today that I still back off on the hills.

These past 3 days have really pushed my limited. Each workout I think is the hardest and I can't believe I'm still able to walk at this point. I am encouraged by Dave's confidence in my ability...I hang on every word he says so as long as he says I can....then I can...

What a week

Wow..this week has gone by pretty fast...I need more days...I need more time. I was going to have a "girls night out" with a friend but Dave put the brakes on that by giving me 60 bike and 15 run miles to get done in two days...plus I have to study for a math exam, see my Dr., and get my hair cut. I'm exhausted just thinking about all of it.

Just about all my friends are headed up to Flag. to race in the Barn Burner this weekend...I was thinking about going, but have too much goin on so I don't think I'll make it. Best of luck and happy riding friends.