Moving forward

I'm feeling pretty good today. I found a really great place that I can afford, so that's put my mind at ease and relieved some major stress. I quickly learned that first, I don't have time to fall apart here...I gave myself about 30 minutes yesterday to cry and just let everything go, but now it's total survival mode. I refuse to stop living because one part of my life has come to a halt. I'm fortunate to have so many people reaching out to help me with whatever I need...from home cooked meals, moving boxes, nights out on the town, tons of people who just want to talk and even a movie, it's support everywhere I turn and it helps so very much! It's a process and one that I can handle with so many good friends.

Second, I better get organized, and fast. I didn't realize just how dysfunctional I was until I started looking around at my junk. Holy WOW I have a lot of papers. My apartment is only 400 sq ft so I'm cleaning out my clutter and starting over fresh. Moving day is in 6 days so I've got to start shredding this crap now.

Yes, IM training continues. I had goals for June but as of today I'm not sure where I'm at with them. I lost track about a week ago and have not taken the time to sit and recalculate. I'm sure I was close, but probably missed the mark on both the run and bike..I've been a little distracted here. I am on the hunt for a PT job...I applied for a couple places yesterday so I hope to find a way to make it all work. I can't imagine giving up IM, but I also can't imaging being homeless so a job will always come first.

My posts might be slow coming as I find myself focused on other things at the moment but I'll try and keep it updated at least weekly. A million thanks to friends! You make this process so much easier! As my relationship comes to an end just know that we are not fighting or making it nasty...we both want to remain friends with each other, and all of you.

This is how I'm feeling....Rick and I broke up, which means I can't really work PT anymore so I have to either give up IM training (which ultimately means give up IM) or give up school to go back to work and I'm not sure which one I should let go.

The hardest

Today's workout was by far the hardest I've had yet. I'm not sure if it was the heat, along with the uphill ride, or the combination of my tired legs, the heat and uphill climb. It flat out sucked!

The plan was to ride up Pima out to Bartlett Lake, meet Dave there and swim. Almost immediately I could feel my quads say, no, no, no...so the ride just up Pima was the slowest I think I've ever done...it took me over a hour just to get 10 miles...ugh. I seriously thought several times about giving up. I was just getting baked in the sun, sweat was pouring down into my eyes and all I could think about was the hill that started at Pima and Cave Creek...why did I sign up for all this? OMG

I can't believe it only took me 3.5 hours to get there...it was the longest most difficult time of my entire training - multiplied by 10. HARD! I do not want to visit that workout again for a long time. Part of the ride up towards the lake my quads felt like somebody punched them so I walked about 6 miles and considered more but I needed to just get it done and cool off. I was surprised at how many cars passed me but nobody stopped to see if I was okay....clearly anyone walking that long road with a bike in hand is not okay...I would have accepted a ride at that point.

Well look who comes pulling up - DAVE! At this point I had less than 5 miles to go with a huge decent coming so as he asked if I wanted a ride to the finish I said no...what the hell was I thinking? There is no shame in getting a ride but something inside didn't want to disappoint him, and I was so close to being done. I finally made it and that water was a perfect ending..it was very cool and over too quick...I wanted to sit in the cool spots for awhile, but also wanted to get the hell out of there. Not sure how far we swam, but it was nice to be off my bike.

I'm toast. These past 3 days have really challenged me and I can't keep this pace. No matter how early we start, the heat is going to get worse. I have to think that if I can endure these next 4 months, I can get through the Ironman. Right??

Let's wrap this up

Training has continued and this week has not been any easier then weeks past. In fact, this week has really kicked my butt so far. I'm working harder then I've ever worked before. It started with a 16 mile run on Monday...with a gym workout in the middle. Today Dave and I biked 1 Ironman loop, which was a little more brutal then I had expected. It's a really LONG route out there with nothing but dry, hot freeway. Right now I can't imagine doing it 3 times. Tomorrow I'm biking to Bartlett again (3rd time) followed by a swim, which I'll certainly enjoy after a hot ride. I'm looking forward to a day off sometime this week.

Getting prepared for the Bartlett ride is kinda fun. I get to buy chips and candy and NOT feel bad about it. It's only 44 miles, but it's a brutal uphill ride the entire way pretty much so I'll need all the calories I can get - especially with a swim planned right after the ride. One thing I've learned about myself is that my body needs lots of food and drink in order to perform. I fall apart when I go too long without food.

Dave and I talked today about my training and I really only have 4 months left because the last month is pretty easy training..it's coming up fast!! He's confident I'll be ready, but I'm not a consistent rider....he told me today that I still back off on the hills.

These past 3 days have really pushed my limited. Each workout I think is the hardest and I can't believe I'm still able to walk at this point. I am encouraged by Dave's confidence in my ability...I hang on every word he says so as long as he says I can....then I can...

What a week

Wow..this week has gone by pretty fast...I need more days...I need more time. I was going to have a "girls night out" with a friend but Dave put the brakes on that by giving me 60 bike and 15 run miles to get done in two days...plus I have to study for a math exam, see my Dr., and get my hair cut. I'm exhausted just thinking about all of it.

Just about all my friends are headed up to Flag. to race in the Barn Burner this weekend...I was thinking about going, but have too much goin on so I don't think I'll make it. Best of luck and happy riding friends.

Fixes

I did get my car fixed..it turned out to be my battery. I'm SO glad it wasn't more. I also got my neck fixed..or feeling better at least. The Chiropractor "aligned" my neck (more like cracked the hell out of it) and wow, it felt so much better after. I'd like to get "aligned" all the time! It's in the same feel good category as a massage.

This week has been tough with Dave gone. I managed to bike/run, but not at the level I'm sure he'd like. I eagerly await his return on Monday. I'm not behind on miles, but not as far ahead as I could be.

My friend Mayita is doing the 1/2 Boise IM today so I'm watching for her updates online. The race starts at 2pm, which seems a little odd to me, but keep her in your thoughts. Go Mayita!

urg

Well, so much for my workout...my car won't start and Rick is out of town..I think it's a bad ignition switch so now I have to wait for a tow truck...

Checkin In

I received an email from Dave today...In case I failed to mention it, he's in Canada with his wife right now. I was doing great...in my own little world until the email came. It didn't say anything other then, "how's it going so far." Up until that point, it was going good - so I thought. I think I had myself talked into believing that this week would be easier since he's gone. You know, I could go at my own pace, on my own path and I could stop and rest when I wanted to...Total freedom over my own workout... That email said something else to me..it said - you better get your ass outside and run sister. It said - you better not get behind on your workouts. I didn't plan on running today because I swam, but about 20 or so minutes after reading the email I was putting my shoes on. It's almost as if he knew that my effort might not be 100%..but maybe 80% this week. I ran, and I felt SO MUCH BETTER after I was done. What stinks worse then a sweaty chlorine smell? Eeks...I stink! It was nasty. Isn't it funny how just five words from my trainer and I'm poopin my pants!

I saw Hollon's Chiropractor today. He did some voodoo on my neck and the range of motion is a little better. He did recommend easy swimming. After today's swim I was a little stiff but I guess the Dr. knows best. He put me on this massage machine...oh man! I'll go back twice a week just to lay on that thing.

Biking tomorrow and a run. After my accident I stopped biking with an iPod. I didn't have it that day, but I now realize the seriousness of biking..it's definitely not a game to take so lightly.

Bike ride update

Yesterday's ride to Cave Creek and Carefree could not have been more perfect. Vickie and I headed off super early so we could enjoy the cool weather, and it was a little chilly when we started!

I should probably back up just a little. The thing about the Nelson's is...if you want a push, they will push! If you want your butt kicked, they will gladly serve your ass on a platter... If you want a nice easy ride, they are totally on board...they are SO EASY to be around that I can't help but call them about once a month for a ride. I can also gauge my progress riding with them so it's an extra bonus.

Back to the start...I told Vickie right away that I wanted to really push my speed. It's something I need to focus on with distance so I expected to be tired and I expected to really push my mental limits. (If I want to play with the big girls, I HAVE to work hard....there are no short cuts.) The last time I did this loop the Nelson's were chasing me (a little game we played) and what took me an hour about 2 months ago took me 45 minutes yesterday...I was REALLY glad to see that 15 minutes gone!

The Carefree hwy delivers a climb (from our starting point) and nice down hill followed by another nice incline to Cave Creek Rd...so you get a little of everything here. My quads were swollen from the first 12 miles we did so I was getting worried about the ride through Cave Creek and Carefree from the start...it's a pretty steady uphill climb that never fails to test my mental endurance. I kept my focus on Vickie's bike (it was just her and I yesterday) and keeping little distance between the two of us. I tried NOT to draft, so I stayed to the left of her tire for what seemed like most of our ride (where the road would allow it too).

We got passed by this dude who was SO TALL that his seat sat about where Vickie's head height was..holy smokes we could not believe how tall this guy was. At any rate, the ride down Pima Rd was a beautiful reprieve for my quads.

Riding back to Vickie's was still challenging. We kept a great 19-20 mph pace up most of Union Hills but I had made a huge mistake in not getting more water 10 miles from her house. Here is a huge lesson. Just because you are 10 miles from home does not mean you stop drinking and eating. I bottomed out fast...meaning I went from a good speed to a slow speed with nothing between. I should have gotten water...I had been eating all day and once I stopped, my legs gave out about 4 miles from home. I just couldn't get a good push to start my speed after that.

What a great time. Thanks Vickie for pushing me over some humps and offering a great workout..total time was 3 hrs 2o min with 53 miles.

Somebody please poke my eyes!

Okay now come on! Sometimes we just know that when we do certain things, or dress a certain way that we will attract negative attention or stares. Dave and I were biking the other day and this is what we both saw. A man (I'm sure he was nice, right?)...a rather hefty man with no shirt riding his bike with what almost looked like red speedo shorts! Why? Why are you doing this? Please put some clothes on!!! Why do people think it's okay to show that much skin? That was one of those situations where you really can't believe what you just saw....and I wanted to put pencils into my eyes...

It's been a pretty good week overall I guess. I don't have accident visions anymore and I've pretty much forgotten about it. The cold sore on the tip of my lip is crusted over so it doesn't hurt....sounds like I'm back into the swing of things. Still stiff so I see the chiropractor on Tuesday. I'm hoping for a quick fix here so I can start swimming soon. Dave is gone next week so I can focus on just my mileage and maybe get ahead. Today is a 7 mile run with a 12 mile in my near future....it's hard for me to believe I can actually run that far. Tomorrow my bike will get me just a little ahead on mileage, but more is always better. I'm biking with 2 girlfriends that I have not seen in weeks so I'm super excited about the ride and you can plan on seeing pictures with my post.

On a more personal note...I guess the previous posts were not personal? (anyway) School is HARD...I have a very good friend coming to tutor me twice a week. Without her I would not pass this stupid math. I think this whole math thing needs to be redone. In my entire adult life I don't remember ever wondering if P=a+b+c, for c...do you? It's just stupid. TONS of homework but very thankful this class is only 8 weeks.

Gotta run now..I'm going to email Hollon and see if he'll come over and dance to Stayin Alive for us... ;)

I'm Out

Well, I have officially pulled out of the Sprint Tri I was signed up for on Saturday. My neck and back are just really stiff so I don't think I'll make the swim without some real issues...Thanks to DCB Adventures for the race credit. It's unfortunate, but I can't turn my head to the right, let alone try and breath each stroke. Hollon gave me the number to his chiropractor so I'm going to give him a try.

Thanks to Trailhead Bike & Cafe for fixing my bike so fast. I didn't want bike fear to come over me...it often happens after an accident, a little fear and anxiety so I decided early on that I wanted to ride again today. I knew I would not feel 100%, but as Hollon always says, "it's conditioning for something!" so Dave and I met at the same place for the same workout that was planned yesterday. As it turns out, he's feeling pretty sore and stiff too. He told me that today he was going to say at least 50 feet behind me lol... Seriously though, I saddled up my ride and off I went.

When I went to bed last night and closed my eyes, the accident was all I could see in my head over and over. When I woke I could hardly move. My Cure - Pop 2 Advil, drink some hot tea and start moving! I met Dave at Granada Park so I just really took my time and tried to warm up slowly because I knew the workout to come.

Once we started moving down the canal I had visions of the accident again in my head...fight, fight, fight! Stay to the right and just ride Kim, that accident was yesterday's news!!...I said over and over...it did go away, and I'm glad. I can say that I didn't have fear, but I had caution and more awareness. Dave was pushing my speed to stay consistent so I was thinking about circles with my legs in order to keep my mind off the pain going down my back and neck. I'm pretty happy with the ride, though the headwind at the end really took my speed from me. My mental endurance has improved for sure.

Tomorrow I'm kayaking and running. With a long ride planned for Sunday with the Nelson's, I think I can focus on my running and be on track for the week's 100/25.

Thanks for all the emails and text messages.

"click, click, boom!"

Ya know, sometimes I just need to listen and do what I'm told.

I met Dave for our Tuesday ride. He asked me the other day about how much time I spend in my aerobars so I had a sneaking suspicion that he'd been thinking about some upcoming training opportunities. When he asked me to meet him at Granada Park, which is near the canal I had a hunch that today I would spend more time in the bars total then I have since I bought them. I was right!

Off we go and it feels pretty good. Of course the tail wind was helping me some but overall, I felt pretty comfortable and relaxed. There's never much traffic on the canal so it was open territory. Or so I thought. I have a horrible habit of riding the center line. I'm not sure why, but I do know that when I'm on the road I worry about hitting the curb so I tend to stay pretty close to the left. Dave yells at me ALL THE TIME about riding over, or close to that center line and today wasn't any different. You can't see a line, but there is certainly one there and he reminded me soon after we started to get over on my own side of it.

A few miles into our ride and Dave says we are doing great at 19 - 20 mph, which is excellent for me. I was super excited to work hard and show him that yes, I can bounce back strong and hard. It's unfortunate that I couldn't stay on my side of the line heading down under Central Ave. because I had a pretty nasty sort-of head on, side clip kinda collision that left all of us on the ground dazed and wondering if all our parts were still functional.

I don't really remember how it all happened because just seconds after I saw him coming up towards me we made contact. We both tried to over correct I think and smashed into each other, but I take the blame for NOT BEING ON MY SIDE OF THE LINE!!! Had I been on the right and not down the middle, I probably could have given him more room and not hit him. I'm not sure if I went over the top of my bike or sideways, but I do know that Dave flipped over me, my head hit the ground pretty dang hard and my neck and back are pretty stiff. I remember laying there feeling scared saying to myself, okay Kim, can you feel your body? Do you need an ambulance. As I'm thinking this everyone is asking, are you okay, are you okay and I wonder, gosh - I don't really know yet but give me just a second to process what just happened.... About the time I realized that I was indeed okay, I was just scared and sore, all I wanted at that point was my phone so that I could call Rick. At that moment he was all I was thinking about and nothing more. Besides the fact that my bike was not ridable, I was pretty much done. I could not believe how fast he made it down there!

Dave walked away with some abrasions...he said he did a tuck and roll, which I kinda want to see! The other guy was also okay with just a sore knee I think.... My lesson - stay on MY SIDE of the line, not down the middle.

My bike is at the shop now and I hope to get it back today. I'd like to try biking again tomorrow. I suspect I'll still be stiff, but I can't get behind on my miles at this point and today's bike/run workout didn't get done.

(see the bars in the photo. I think they took the brunt of the fall. My front tire was messed up too...)

I forgot

to mention...I only have 3 classes left before I can apply to nursing school!!! YEEHAW

I know..I know

I know, it's been too long since my last post. I had some real motivation issues in May...that I think really started in late April. I began questioning why I wanted to do all this, and did I want to finish it..surely I could find an excuse as to why I couldn't finish my training, and couldn't do the IM race. As much as I thought about it, I knew Rick would not buy into any excuse I could make up...there are no other option but to race. This event has cost me nearly $10,000 in training, races, travel, bike and repairs...all that adds up to a huge weight on my shoulders. All that money could have paid off several bills...and I drowned my sorrows in pity during May. My body and my mind where both just exhausted so I didn't do much more than my workouts with Dave. After we came home from Bishop I got really lazy and didn't do anything at all except stuff my face full of ice cream, cookies and milk and soda. I gained back the weight I had lost working with Dave in March and now I'm horrified, disappointed and surely didn't want to blog about to all of you.

During May I also realized the situation I put myself in when I signed up for the half IM in Northern CA. The excitement of seeing my girlfriend had me registering so fast that I didn't look at the course much, which has ended up being my worst nightmare. I'm more worried and stressed out about the 1/2 then the full, and I'm being honest. How weak am I on hills? How long have I been working on watts and "attacking" hills with minor improvements? Well, the entire bike course for my first 1/2 is nothing BUT hill climb after hill climb and I'm scared. Sometimes not knowing is better. Following is a 1/2 marathon, and I know how a 1/2 marathon feels WITHOUT all that biking before. How can I do this? How am I going to get this done? I wish I had somebody to run with. I feel so alone and that race isn't for several months.

I'm going on and on...April and May are over, and not soon enough. I knew Dave would have lofty goals for me and he didn't disappoint. I'm ready...and I'm excited again. I have to get this ice cream weight off my thighs so when he told me I was riding 400 miles and running 100, I was okay with it. I think he was waiting for me to freak out some, but I just said okay...followed by a "I can't believe I'm about to do all this" laugh. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who struggles... I can't always reach out for help..sometimes my arms just aren't that long.

Seriously, June is going to be my month of accomplishments. I'm on target, I'm feeling much better and I'm having fun again. My fear is still there, but I can't continue to sabotage myself by letting my worry cripple my workouts. I don't know what will happen at the 1/2 but all I can do it try. If I don't make the cutoffs, well, then I don't. Will it hurt me, deeply I'm sure but this pre-race fear is killing me now and everyday I wake up, I fight it.

Here are some random photos from an Adventure Race Rick and I did this past weekend in Laguna Mtn, CA. We trekked, mtn bike and orienteering. PERFECT navigation from Rick!!! Nicely done.

This was the first AR I did where I had to pack all my gear for the bike and run so my pack was heavy with shoes, 100oz of water and food. What an experience. We traveled the Pacific Coast Trail - WOW - it was sooo beautiful!!!!

Following the race we had a big BBQ with everyone. That was the best part..everyone brought potluck food and we swapped stories, compared navigation choices and enjoyed the moments we had in common.

(high-five Ann!!) I love her! She's the kind of gal you see a couple times a year, but you feel like you've known her your whole life. Super nice!!! Go Ann Hall! I wish I could race with her...




















Look at how dirty my legs are!

Final note.... yes, I'm biking 400 miles and running 100. My only event this month is the Tribal Tri on Saturday so if you are free, maybe you'll come.