Wednesday, May 7, 2008

My ups...and my downs....

Today was an emotion day for me. Trying on swimsuits is just not what I call fun. I get a little teared up just writing about it.

I'm suppose to swim on Sunday with racelab. Well, I need a swim suit so Rick and I went shopping. Ugh. Let's go backwards a bit. If anyone even reads this blog. (man, I'm really feeling sorry for myself today). I use to be FAT! Yes, FAT!!!! A size 16 with two chins kinda fat. I hated it so long story short, I dropped a bunch and weight and became a really happy size 8 - 10. Well, I've been able to maintain for a couple of years and thought I was lookin pretty good, until I tried on that swimsuit. Maybe this was a wake up call. I've been complacent for too long. At any rate, fat started showing up in places I didn't realize and I was ashamed to look at myself. I honestly did not know that I looked that way....

Perhaps Rick is right, I compare myself to friends, who all happen to be super fit athletes. I feel completely alone in this fight against my weight. I coach an exercise class for pete sakes! These women count on me and if I can't get this under control, I can't coach anymore. My camp is my life!!

Needless to say I'm doing a second workout today. Rick and I are headed up North Mountain tonight. What's today's lesson, I'm not sure yet...I'm too upset with myself to see it.

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