Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Today's discovery

You know sometimes when you're driving along thinking about things and then suddenly realize that miles, and exits have passed and you missed the whole thing? I had one of those deep thinking moments after my bike practice with Dave today. I started to think about how, at 39 I'm finally living and really owning my own life. For many, many years I was a sideline cheerleader who secretly wished I wasn't. I wanted to be part of the action but I let fear make the decisions for me. Excuse after excuse but today I've shed that last layer of skin that was so heavy and so self destructive. At nearly 40 I feel as though my eyes are finally open and I'm so strong and capable of many things....I'm not suppose to be sitting on the sidelines. I own my life and my future....I really feel that now. I totally get it!

I'm trying not to regret all of the missed years. In all honesty, I enjoyed encouraging my friends and supporting them as best I could. It's my turn now and I'm pretty sure that the friends I've supported over the years would agree....it's okay that I retire my cow bell...it's okay that I don't scream their name when I get a glance at them...it's okay that I don't shove food in their faces when they finish an event....it's okay to be a player now, not a cheerleader....It's all going to be okay and that's exciting....that's my life....

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