Today's discovery

You know sometimes when you're driving along thinking about things and then suddenly realize that miles, and exits have passed and you missed the whole thing? I had one of those deep thinking moments after my bike practice with Dave today. I started to think about how, at 39 I'm finally living and really owning my own life. For many, many years I was a sideline cheerleader who secretly wished I wasn't. I wanted to be part of the action but I let fear make the decisions for me. Excuse after excuse but today I've shed that last layer of skin that was so heavy and so self destructive. At nearly 40 I feel as though my eyes are finally open and I'm so strong and capable of many things....I'm not suppose to be sitting on the sidelines. I own my life and my future....I really feel that now. I totally get it!

I'm trying not to regret all of the missed years. In all honesty, I enjoyed encouraging my friends and supporting them as best I could. It's my turn now and I'm pretty sure that the friends I've supported over the years would agree....it's okay that I retire my cow bell...it's okay that I don't scream their name when I get a glance at them...it's okay that I don't shove food in their faces when they finish an event....it's okay to be a player now, not a cheerleader....It's all going to be okay and that's exciting....that's my life....