My girlfriend and I were mountain biking this morning and low and behold, there is a snake! YIKES. He was not happy to see me and I'm so thankful that I didn't fall on him.
So I have some pretty serious things to say today. First, this is a reminder to all my readers that this blog is my personal journal. It just so happens that it's public but I don't want the fact that it's public to stop me from saying what I need to say.
This whole experience has been really good for me. I have remained super positive and steadfast in the belief that I will finish the Ironman in 09. I have visualized the finish over and over and sometimes I feel it..deep inside my heart I felt the victory. My life has become this race in everything that I do. I schedule things around upcoming events and around my training. I rally people around me to help push me past some plateaus and I've done everything I can think of to surround myself with like minded people. I've certainly conquered my fears along the way. I'm happy....right?
Yesterday during my workout something happened to me. Something I'm a little afraid to say out loud because I might make it happen if I do. When I was finishing up my last mile I was miserable and I thought to myself that if this is how I feel during the Ironman, I'm not going to finish it. Here is the worst part....not finishing is simply another failure and I'm ready to accept it, is what I thought.
Some of you will write me and say that not finishing is okay and I appreciate that but here is what you don't know. I have accepted "failure" or second best my entire life. I've talked myself out of success or greatness perhaps because I didn't feel qualified for it. It's only been recently that I faced my fears head on and started to steer my own destiny but yesterday was a step backwards and I'm a little frightened by it.
I don't want to be the person I was. The person who accepted failure based on lack of effort because I got hot or tired or because things were just too hard. I know this is a process and exercising my mind is just as important as exercising my body.
During part of the bike section yesterday I was moaning and groaning about the heat. We made it to a little down hill section and Dave said something about how nice the breeze was...his cup was half full and that's the kind of attitude I need. So maybe Dave is teaching me more then how to physically prepare for the Ironman and I just didn't see it before (thank you Sensei Dave).
Maybe it was just a really hard day, and maybe it's not as complicated as I think it is....
How about this...maybe I'm in the "transition area" of my first discipline? (cute huh)