Things are happening...I think I'm growing up!!
Recently I came to the conclusion that my desire to do the IM came from my Heavenly Father and the process of training for this event was for a much bigger reason..and it has nothing to do with crossing a finish line.
I have spent more time alone in my thoughts since this whole process started last April. That's a lot of time to think and rationalize about how I feel about a lot of different things and who I want to be and how I want to contribute to my own life and those around me. During this process I was able to let go of some "dirty secrets" as my friend Lori called them and really start to heal some wounds from the inside out. I'm not a victim of my past, I own it and I'm learning how to step outside of myself and see things from other points of view.
Recently I have found a ton of comfort in prayer. Something Joel Osteen said weeks ago really hit home with me... God wants us to be prosperous. That doesn't mean he wants me to have a ton of cash (though I am waiting for my stimulus check any day now) but it means he wants me to have a rich life and until I can soften my heart more, pay attention to my actions and how they affect others and let some of the walls down - I can't prosper. I'll continue to pound my head against the pavement in frustration until I quiet myself, be still and listen to what He wants to teach me. He speaks very LOUD when I workout alone.
I'm not sure the finish line will ever come and if I keep learning and start to "get it", then I don't want it to. I want to stay on this path...maybe He'll clean up my mouth next....I curse too much!