It's now 2:50am and I've been up for about 30 minutes....I have been tossing and turning for hours and thinking about the number 4-0. It's just a number...why do I feel so wrapped up in it?
I honestly feel as though I have found the sacred fountain of youth. It's not in a little bottle or at the Dr's office. It's exercise!! It's pushing my body beyond what it wants to do at any given time. My lungs expand and fill with more air then ever before, my heart pounds a strong purposeful beat, my veins are BIG and together my body feels younger and more alive then any other time in my life. I'm turning back the clock so let's call this my 38th birthday instead and leave it at that!
Yesterday I stumbled across a race report written by Sarah J. Tracy, a woman I have never met before but a Ironman finisher and inspiring writer. She really summed up how I feel about my training, and about the processes that one goes through when in the journey towards becoming and Ironman. "Obstacles are a natural part of the journey and should be celebrated. They serve as intermittent nuggets of evidence that the goal is stretching you to new places." Isn't that true. For every time I write about my struggles, not far behind I write about an enormous victory and growth. I have never failed in my training and though some days present great challenge, I am achieving new heights and new strength that I use to dream about.
My favorite quote from Sarah is, "being in the bottom does not equate with lack of effort or lack of feelings of accomplishment." LOVE IT! I did equate being at the bottom of the pack with my being the weakest of the bunch but after reading Sarah's story my view is shifting. "A view from the back of the pack is a stunning view that is qualitatively different than a view from the sidelines." I may not ever be in the center of the pack but that does not mean that I'm not strong or worthy of participating. Look at me now! Watch me work hard! Watch me participate in my own life! My name may never be called for a podium finish and that's okay...I will always hold my head high with pride knowing that I did not waist one single day.
I can't reiterate enough what a difference support from Rick and my friends has made. Rick has sacrificed so much in order for me to train and participate in this event. It means less weekend trips for fun because I have an event on my calendar almost every weekend from March through November. He hears my stories, both good and bad over and over and he's never told me that he does not have time to listen. He washes my exercise clothes when he knows my favorite bike shorts are dirty and I have a long ride coming. He encourages me to take naps at every available opportunity. He adjusts the back of my swim suit because it gets bunchy when I put it on and he seems to enjoy helping me get the wet thing off..he's always here...he's always saying "Yeah Kim" and he's always there to pick me when I need that extra hand. Rick will be here when it's done and I have "post race depression" and don't know what to do next. He will be there to carry me to the car after the race and he'll be there to help me get off the toilet because my quads are so cramped up I can't stand. I would not be able to do this without you, Rick ....simply saying Thank You does not come close to how I feel about your contributions in my life. You allow me to be selfish right now and I love you deeply, appreciate you enormously and thank you from the bottom of my heart.....my life can't get any richer then it is at this moment.